Friday, 28 January 2011

Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to...

Do you smoke?  Want to give up?

It's not just about the addiction to nicotine though is it? The need to feed the craving becomes central to your life.

How many fags have I got left in the packet?  Will they get me through the rest of the day?  Shall I get some now?  Do I have enough money on me - should I just get 10 or 20?  Where's my lighter? Do I have enough matches?  What if I run out at 11.00 this evening, will I want another and what about tomorrow morning? I've only got a fiver on me and we need milk, bread and I need some ciggies; can I do without the milk or bread?  When can I have my next one?

And so the addiction to fags becomes central to your life - everything revolves around it.  It snakes into everything that happens.

Sometimes when you're absorbed in doing something, you forget.  But then that itch emerges and you're reminded that there's something that you need.  Something that needs attention.  Needs attending to.

Perhaps, smoking ain't your bag.  Perhaps it's shopping or sex or booze or drugs or gossiping or working hard.... there's an inexhaustible list.  Pick your poison - perhaps you've been through them all,

But each of us is addicted to something - the central one:  Me.

It pervades the experience of living.  Defines it.  Shapes and colours it.

Am I Ok?  Do they like me? Am I good/bad? Am I worthy?  What is my purpose? What shall I do? Am I doing it right? Am I good-looking/sexy/clever/rich enough?.....

At some point, some people give up smoking... and at some point, some people give up the belief in being a 'me'.  The belief that there's a 'me' that is in control.

And what a relief.  Life no longer revolves around the addiction.  It's gone.  And it's obvious that if you can do without the addiction now, it was never necessary in the first place - it was just a phase, compelling at the time  but not real.  Because if it was,  it could never have stopped.

The interesting thing about no longer being addicted is that it's not just that the addiction is not there, but that it no longer seems to control living. And even more interestingly, there's no control over whether it continues or not.

Have a look at that.

2 comments:

  1. blimey Viv - I've been thinking about this all day - watching my mind go straight for the anxiety addiction at every email that had to be written.....it's weird - i'd like to give it up - perhaps today was a step in the right direction - a bit more conscious awareness
    hmmmm
    ok
    quick fag and then bed
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol - enjoy the fag! And the addiction.

    You see it though, eh?

    Are you doing that addiction? cos if you are, then you can choose to give it up, can't you? ;-)

    ReplyDelete