Sunday, 1 May 2011

Tell me what you want...

I was reading a blog today called: by the inspiring and inspired singer/songwriter Jason Mraz.  The strapline for the blog is: "Fuck the Should.  Do the Want."

I think out of all the words in the English language, 'should' is the one I hate the most (apart from Inland Revenue, which is actually two, so probably doesn't count!)

'Should' is far from reality.  It says "what you need to do isn't happening, and it isn't what you want to do, but IF you do it things will be tidier. However, the only satisfaction you'll get is to tick something off on your 'to do' list." 

Eurgh - it's a smug, self-satisfied little word.

And if you listen to the conversations going on around you, and read newspapers and magazines, you'll encounter it a lot.  It's most often used in relation to other people.  As in "They SHOULD  do this" or "They SHOULD do that".  It's a real 'pointy-finger' word.  It lives in splendour in the Daily Mail.  In fact, I think that the editorial of the Daily Mail is probably based upon 'what should be happening.'  Or at least it .... should be... arf, arf.

Not only does it imply odious responsibility and life-draining burdens, it introduces the mysterious and omnipresent entity - 'They'.  Those unidentifiable experts who reign supreme in matters of the weather, child-rearing, fashion, diets, drinking habits, moral obligations... just about everything really.

But what really offends me about the word 'should', and all that it implies, is that it denies what is happening now.  It denies THIS experience.  It's a great big fat NO - and it doesn't even have the honesty to say 'Fuck Off'.  It's censorious, denying, limiting, restricting and very, very mean-minded.  It says that if you're having F.U.N. and doing what you want, then you bloody well shouldn't be!  

It's the teacher with a mouth like a cat's arse, it's the sour-faced shop assistant, it's the sign at the public swimming pool that says "No running, No jumping, No petting, NO FUCKING FUN!"

But the ridiculous thing about not doing what you want, only what you should ... is that eventually what you want will turn into what you should.  And on a very obvious level what you want IS what you should be doing, because it's what you're doing..... so it's the only thing that you could possibly BE doing.

Ooooh, it's the word at the very heart of human misery:  You should be content.  You should be good. You should try harder (that's got to be the most repeated comment on school reports).   It fences off the glorious extremes of human experience: misery, failure, anger, lasciviousness (I like THAT word), excess, rage, apathy, lust, abandonment, hysteria, hilarity, intoxication ... you get the picture. 

It engenders notions of dishonour, impropriety, disgrace - it's the creeping, red-cheeked, prickling sensation of shame.  Its purpose is to stop people from relishing the reality of the present experience, seeking something that isn't happening; the ultimate ignorance; i.e. ignoring what you really, really want.

Last word is: Do what you want, because that's what you SHOULD be doing..... wanna know why?  Because it's what you are doing!  And you can't argue with reality.  And if you do, then you bloody well shouldn't! ;-)

In the words of those camped up divas, The Spice Girls - "Yo, tell me what you want, what you really, really want!

So, "Fuck the Should, Do the Want."  What a philosophy!


  1. Great article. Pleasent read. Only this:

    Do what you want, because that's what you SHOULD be doing..... wanna know why? Because it's what you are doing!

    Puzzling and interesting. Very interesting. So, what we should, want and are doing is the same thing, to simplify it?
    Interesting because if I take this and look at my experiences, I always wanted to do something more, than I am doing now, vague, unrealized feeling, you know what I mean?

    Also, you remember all the "seekers" around, on their way to enlightement, right? I always had a feeling that what they say they want, enlightement, is a lie or dishonesty and that some people just want to stay seekers. That the want and doing right now are same.

    Same with all those discontent people, explaining to you, how they are lazy, because they can not do, what they should...

    Am I right here?


  2. Hi Oldow

    The point is that if you want want you ARE doing, then you're not going to be discontent. However, not wanting what you are doing and feeling that you SHOULD be doing something else, is also what you're doing.... ahahahaha. Human beings spin on the notion that there should be something else, something better, something 'not this'. It's how we're wired.

    Re the seekers wanting to stay seekers... yeah, seeking keeps you special - you have an identity as a 'seeker'; someone who is 'more spiritual' and therefore elevated above people who are just seeking money, or love, or sex. To end the seeking is to end the identification as someone special - and some people don't want 'ordinary this', they want 'special that'!

    Are you right? Of course you are Oldow!

    Thanks for reading and your comments.

  3. This is cool,

    So the only think that people who seek need is to say: I am a seeker and I do not fucking want to find. How could I continue to seek than?

    Fuck, not that it was important in any sense, but this is the meaning Platonic love, the realization that we can seek and that is what we should and want and finding is in fact never that great.

    Still, if you find anything a bit interesting, I am adding the blog to my bookmarks.

  4. Oldow,

    you got it, its about being honest and seeing things for what they are and not for what the idea of something is.

    If someones is seeking and wants to seek, they shouldn't lie to themselves and say they want to find. If it so happens that they genuinely want to find, then trust me, they'll make it happen, and thats okay too. Neither one are better than the other.

    Its very unimportant to find and to seek, rather than just seeing that the finding and the seeking are part of the same exact thing and it can't be anywhere but where it is right now, right here, in the eternal moment. All those ideas and thoughts are just as perfect and exactly as they should be right now.

    thanks viv for the post, it was very enjoyable. :)